{"id":660,"date":"2021-11-03T14:10:53","date_gmt":"2021-11-03T14:10:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/?page_id=660"},"modified":"2025-07-18T20:07:18","modified_gmt":"2025-07-18T20:07:18","slug":"coping-with-grief","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/coping-with-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Coping with Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;color: #333399\"><strong>Grief Journey Tips<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Recognize Your Loss: <\/strong>After a significant loss, you may be numb for awhile. Being numb allows us to accept the loss a little at a time. It is important to acknowledge the loss and the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Be With The Pain: <\/strong>You are hurting. Admit it. Feeling the pain after a loss is a normal part of living and loving. Denying the loss does not lessen the pain, it prolongs the suffering.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Accept All Of Your Feelings, Even The Feelings You Don\u2019t Like. <\/strong>Fear, anger, guilt, sadness, depression, despair, heartbreak, and an overwhelming feeling of disorganization are characteristic reactions to a significant loss. Avoiding naming and feeling our feelings, will mean our feelings will be expressed in unexpected ways.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>It Is Okay To Feel Anger<em>: <\/em><\/strong>Everyone feels angry at a significant loss. Channel it wisely and it will go away as you heal. Walk, run, and exercise. If you find yourself more irritable, journal and explore what your anger is about. Anger is also a way for some people to avoid feeling the more vulnerable feeling of sadness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>You Are Vulnerable, Be Gentle with Yourself: <\/strong>Invite help only from people who you know will be gentle with your feelings and can accept all of your feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>You Are Not Alone, Seek Comfort As You Need It: <\/strong>Although you feel alone and grieving is an individual process, you are not alone. Grieving is a sad part of life everyone experiences. Accept support from others. Let them know what they can do to help. Do not expect comfort from a grieving partner as your partner may not be able to give when you need due to their own grief. <em>Weekends and Holidays can be very hard, make plans with others. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Suicidal Thoughts Are A Symptom Of Your Pain: <\/strong>Sometimes people feel survivors guilt or that they wish they had died instead of their loved one. The OU Counseling center 248.370.3465 is here to assist as Common Ground which has a 24\/7 Hotline: 1-(800) 231-1127. If your thoughts of dying persist and you feel they are out of control, SEEK HELP AT ONCE by going to your local emergency room.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Healing Does Not Occur In A Smooth Line or On A Time Table: <\/strong>Healing occurs in phases where you move in and out of different feelings. Remind yourself that you can get through this. If it feels like you have been there long enough remember there is no way around grieving. You can only accept where you are in each moment and continue on your journey.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Heal At Your Own Pace: <\/strong>Never compare yourself to another grieving person. Each of us has our own timing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Expect Relapses: <\/strong>There will always be certain things that trigger sadness again. This is normal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Keep A Journal: <\/strong>Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper is a good way to get them out and understand them..<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Do Your Mourning Now: Allow yourself to be with your pain-it will pass sooner. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Postponed grief will return later. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\"><strong>Tips for Coping: <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Physical exercise along with relaxation will improve sleep and concentration. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Keep a journal: write through your sleeplessness and change the ending of your<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Talk to people; talk is one of the most healing activities. It is how we let go of stress. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Give yourself permission to feel rotten and share your feeling with others. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Give yourself permission to have moments of happiness or escape. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Spend time with others. Resist the temptation to isolate yourself. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;color: #008000\"><strong>Get plenty of rest and eat regular meals even if you don\u2019t feel like it.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 18pt\">Ten Common Myths of Grief<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #1: The experience of grief and mourning proceed in predictable and orderly stages such as denial, anger, guilt, etc.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">This stages-of-grief idea is appealing, but inaccurate. It emerged from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross\u2019 groundbreaking book, <em>On Death and Dying<\/em>. However, Dr. Kublar-Ross did not intend for these emotions to be interpreted as stages or steps, but rather to help people understand that denial, anger, guilt, and sadness are common, normal and expected reactions. If you are expecting anger, it doesn\u2019t mean that you are \u201cless evolved\u201d than someone feeling guilt. Many people do not fully experience all of these feelings.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #2: After losing someone you love, your goal should be to \u201cbe strong\u201d, and \u201cget over\u201d your grief as soon as possible. Crying means that you are \u201cfalling apart\u201d and that is not what anyone wants.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Crying is nature\u2019s way of releasing tension, letting others know that you need to be comforted, and discharging accumulated stress toxins. Society often encourages people to quickly move away from grief. Unfortunately, refusing to cry, suffering in silence, and \u201cbeing strong\u201d are often viewed as admirable and desirable reactions to loss. Friends, family, and co-workers may encourage this stance because they don\u2019t want to talk about painful things, and there is nothing they can say or do to make it better. Many people have internalized the idea that grieving and mourning should be done quickly, quietly, and efficiently. The messages from others seem to be, \u201cJust get over it.\u201d Find someone who accepts that no one can \u201cmake it better\u201d, that your life surely will not be the same without the person you loved, and who can be present with you while you grieve so you do not have to bear it all alone. In time, you can learn to live with your grief while you learn to adjust to life without the presence of person who has departed.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #3: \u201cIt has been six (or nine, or twelve) months\u2026Shouldn\u2019t they be over by this now?<\/em><\/strong><strong>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">This myth relates directly to our culture\u2019s impatience with bereavement and the desire to move people away from the process of mourning as quickly as possible. We expect grieving people to \u201cget back to normal\u201d soon after the death or loss. All too often, we succumb to the myth that grief should be moved away from rather moved toward, as something to be <em>overcome<\/em>, rather than experienced. Interestingly, when people are allowed to move toward their grief and to mourn openly, their grief becomes less intense and more manageable over time.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #4: If the bereaved looks okay, they must be \u201cover it.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><strong> \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">The bereaved do look like the non-bereaved on the outside, but inside, they experience a wide range of chaotic emotions- shock, numbness, anger, disbelief, betrayal, rage, regret, remorse, guilt, etc. These feelings are intense and confusing. Thus, grievers feel misunderstood and further isolated when people comment in astonishment, \u201cYou look so well!\u201d Helpful responses should simply and quietly acknowledge their pain and suffering through statements such as \u201cThis must be very difficult for you,\u201d \u201cI am so sorry,\u201d \u201cHow can I help?\u201d or \u201cWhat can I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #5: The best thing we can do for the griever is to avoid discussing the loss.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">The bereaved need and want to talk about their loss, including the minutest details connected to it. Grief shared is grief diminished. Each time a griever talks about the loss, a layer or pain is shed.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #6: \u201cYou need to be more active and get out more!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Encouraging the bereaved to maintain their social, civic, and religious ties is healthy. Grievers should not withdraw completely and isolate themselves from others. Erroneously, however, some caregivers try to help the grieving \u201cescape\u201d from their grief through trips or excessive activity. This was the pressure felt by Phyllis seven months after her husband died. \u201cSeveral of my sympathetic friends who have not yet experienced grief firsthand suggested that I interrupt my period of mourning by getting out more,\u201d she recalls. \u201cThey say, solemnly, \u201cWhat must you do is get out among people, go on a cruise or take a bus trip. Then you won\u2019t feel so lonely.\u201d I have a stock answer for their advice: \u201cI am not lonely for the presence of people. I am lonely for the presence of my husband. But how can I expect these innocents to understand that I feel as though my body has been torn asunder that my soul has been mutilated? How could they understand that for the time being, life is simply a matter of survival?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #7: Grief support groups are too depressing and not helpful.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Groups formed specifically to provide support for grievers are extremely helpful for the bereaved. Most who attend describe the meetings as anything but depressing. There, grievers receive encouragement, sympathy, practical advice, and emotional support from people who have \u201cbeen there.\u201d Also, those early in the grieving process see and hear from others who are further along and adjusting in healthy ways to the loss. Such individuals become strong role models for the recently bereaved.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #8: If you don\u2019t cry, it means you aren\u2019t sorry about the loss.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Crying is a normal response to sorrow, but it\u2019s not the only one. People have many ways of coping and grieving. There is no since \u201cright way\u201d to grieve.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #9: Moving on with your life means you\u2019re forgetting the one you lost.<\/em><\/strong><strong> \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Moving on means you\u2019ve accepted the death, which is not the same as forgetting. You can have new life and memories without sacrificing the memories you have of your lost loved one.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Myth #10: Grief is such a personal thing; it should be kept to yourself.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px\">Your grief should never be a private affair. You need to talk about your experiences and your feelings. There is tremendous support in being with others who have also experienced loss. The more social your grief work is, the better you will do with it. The more you talk about it publicly, write about it in letter and share in the grief with others, the more effectively you will adapt to your own loss.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #333399\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 18pt\">Grief and Loss Resources<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><strong><em>WEBSITES<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Grief Healing <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/griefhealing.com\/index.htm\">http:\/\/griefhealing.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>A site created by someone who has lost both a parent and a child that offers information,\u00a0comfort, and support for those anticipating or coping with a significant loss<\/p>\n<p><strong>Journey of Hearts: <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.journeyofhearts.org\/\">http:\/\/www.journeyofhearts.org\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>A site that combines elements of medicine, psychiatry, poetry, prose, and images to provide resources and support to those who have experienced loss, be it acute or long- standing<\/p>\n<p><strong>Virtual Memorials<\/strong>: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.virtual-memorials.com\/\">http:\/\/www.virtual-memorials.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>A site that creates free online memorials that celebrate the lives and personalities of lost loved ones and provides a place where these cherished images will have a permanent home<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\">WCSU Counseling Services<br \/>\nStudent Health &amp; Wellness Center<br \/>\n(Connected to Newbury Hall)<br \/>\n181 White Street, Danbury, CT 06810<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\">Phone: (203) 837.8690<br \/>\nEmail: <a href=\"mailto:CounselingServices@wcsu.edu\">CounselingServices@wcsu.edu<\/a><br \/>\nInstagram: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/wcsu_counselingservices\/\">wcsu_counselingservices<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>DISCLAIMER<\/strong><br \/>\nThe Counseling Services Web Site is designed for educational purposes only. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for personal medical or psychological attention, diagnosis or face to face treatment. If you are concerned about your mental health, it is recommended that you consult a mental health provider immediately and do not wait for an electronic response from web page professionals or from the Counseling Services staff.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grief Journey Tips Recognize Your Loss: After a significant loss, you may be numb for awhile. Being numb allows us to accept the loss a little at a time. It is important to acknowledge the loss and the pain. Be &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-660","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/660","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=660"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/660\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wcsu.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}